Deadman's Party revised
by AngylGrrl
Summary: How I think a certain part of DMP should have gone. R&R and I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING, JUST MY MUSES.


Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, JOSS WHEDON OWNS IT AND HE IS GOD. PLEASE DO NOT SUE ME, I JUST LET MY MUSES HAVE SOME FUN.  
  
The way I think a certain part of DEADMAN'S PARTY should have gone.  
  
How it went:  
  
Joyce: Buffy, you didn't give me time. You just dumped this thing on me and you expected me to get it. Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect, okay? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away.  
  
Buffy: Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you!  
  
Xander: Well, you did. You should've seen what you put her through.  
  
Buffy: Great. Thanks. Anybody else want to weigh in here? (sees Jonathon) How about you by the dip?  
  
Jonathon freezes in the middle of bringing a chip laden with dip to his mouth and looks around nervously at everyone suddenly staring at him.  
  
Jonathon: No, thanks. I'm good.  
  
Xander: You know, maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy, but taking off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid.  
  
Buffy: Okay! Okay. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You have, you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling!  
  
Xander: Did you even try talking to anybody?  
  
Buffy: There was nothing that anybody could do. Okay? I just had to deal with this on my own.  
  
Xander: Yeah, and you see how well *that* one worked out. You can't just bury stuff, Buffy. It'll come right back up to get you.  
  
Buffy: As if I even could've gone to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear.  
  
Xander: Look. I'm sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles.  
  
Cordelia doesn't think this is fair, and intercedes.  
  
Cordelia: Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute. Okay? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault...  
  
Buffy: (interrupts) Cordy! Get outta my shoes! Cordelia: I'm just trying to help, Buffy.  
  
Willow: Buffy, you never...  
  
Buffy: (nears the breaking point) Willow, please. I can't take this from you, too.  
  
Xander: Let her finish! You at least owe her that.  
  
Buffy: God, Xander! Do you think you could at least stick to annoying me on your own behalf?  
  
Xander: Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you!  
  
Buffy: (steps up to Xander) Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot? Nighthawk?  
  
Oz: Okay. I'm gonna step in now, (gets between them) being Referee Guy.  
  
Willow: No, let them go, Oz. (gets a look from him) Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence.  
  
How I wanted it to go….this actually starts right before Oz steps in cause I really wanted to see Buffy and Xander go at it.  
  
Xander: Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you!  
  
Buffy: (steps up to Xander) Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot? Nighthawk? You patrolled alone. You aren't me! You don't have what I was damned with. Damn it Xander I thought you were smarter than that. Yes they were close by, but you could have been dead by then if I wasn't there. Do you think that is what I wanted to come back too? My friends dead?  
  
Xander: You left, so why would you care whether or not we lived or died?  
  
Buffy: Are you stupid? I love you guys. Yes I left. Yes what I did was selfish, but God do you honestly think that I think that little of you guys. Do you know how many times I wanted to call and let you know what was going on? No because you didn't ask. All you care about is how my leaving made you felt. You have no idea what it is like to have this burden on you. To know that tomorrow might be your last day or even tonight. You have every chance to get the hell out of here, but I can't. I can't have a normal life because I have this sacred duty. You never EVER had to help me, but you did, you chose to help me. I never got a choice; I was just thrown right into the mix of it. This was a world that you could have stayed away from, but I can't do that.  
  
Xander: Do you think that we'd let you go out alone, knowing what was out there?  
  
Buffy: God Xander that isn't the point!  
  
Xander: Then what is the point, Buffy. Miss I'm the big bad slayer and no one needs to help me?  
  
Buffy stepped up right into Xander's face, almost about to punch him.  
  
Buffy: The point is this, I NEVER HAD A CHOICE. You did. You chose to help me, you all chose to help fight evil. I never wanted Angel to turn, I didn't even know until it was too late. But you know, all the blame you put on me, I put it on myself ten fold. Do I regret letting you guys help me? No I don't. You are the main reason I am still alive. Because I am fighting for something, for someone, I have a reason to keep on living and that reason is you guys. You are the shoulders I cry on when times get tough. Or you are my daily dose of laughter or music or fashion sense or even babble charm. I should be dead right now, but it was you who saved me.  
  
Buffy stopped for a moment and collected her thoughts. She glanced around the room to gage facial expressions.  
  
Buffy: So tell me Xander, when you have to thrust a sword into Cordelia's gut to stop hell on earth, are you going to want to be around people who have despised her? Or are you going to want to be alone? So don't tell me I could have come to any of you, Nighthawk. Because none of you would have understood what it was like. I needed to get my head and heart in check. It would have been more dangerous if I had stayed, but none of you want to understand that. Yes you all had your own issues to deal with, but so did I, and just because I am the slayer that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to have feelings.  
  
Xander stood there, he didn't know what to say. All he knew was Buffy was right. He would want to be alone if he were forced to kill Cordelia. But he was still angry with her for leaving and not telling them where she was going.  
  
Xander: That is all well and good Buffy, but you had an obligation to us as your friends, and your mother. Yes she told you that if you left that you couldn't come back. But like she said you never gave her time.  
  
Buffy: Time? There was no time. Time had run out and it was time to end the game. It was kill or be killed. I did what I had to do, by killing Angelus. And even if Willow had finished the spell or even done it, you would have wanted him dead no matter what. He was evil in your eyes, no matter what he did. So you wanted him dead, which ultimately meant I would be unhappy. So either way you did not care, Xander.  
  
Xander: I didn't care? I always cared about you and you wouldn't give me the time of day because you were hot for dead boy!  
  
Buffy: You were my best friend Xander, I didn't want to ruin that. I lost so many friends because they wanted more then I was willing to give. But now you have Cordelia and you're happy. Willow has Oz and they're happy. I HAD TO KILL THE MAN I LOVED, DEMON OR NOT. So out of the three of us, I am the one who always seems to lose. I lost all my friends at Hemry because of my chosen duty. You get to be a normal guy, and I get to be this super hero that might not make it out of high school. So you want to continue to emotionally thrashing me or do you just want to go at it physically, Nighthawk?  
  
Oz: Okay. I'm gonna step in now, (gets between them) being Referee Guy.  
  
Well you know what happened after that. The zombies attacked the house, blah blah blah. The group beats the bad guy, and they sorta make up. But that is my version of what should have happened…hehe.  
  
The End. 


End file.
